Biden Says He’d Never Forget The, You Know, The Thing

On Thursday, Special Counsel Robert Hur, who had been investigating US President Joe Biden’s handling of classified documents following his time as Vice President, announced that he would not bring charges against the president.

What should have been cause for celebration for Democrats quickly turned into horror as Hurr’s reasoning for not bringing charges spread across the internet. Hur noted Biden’s cooperation with investigators and the nature of the documents as reasons not to bring charges, but also noted Biden’s failing mental capabilities as a reason they would have difficulty convincing a jury that there was intent behind Biden’s removal of the documents, saying his defense would present him as a “well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.”

The report noted that during the two-day interview with investigators, Biden could not remember which years he served on at least two occasions.

“If it was 2013 – when did I stop being Vice President?” Biden is quoted as asking during the interview. “In 2009, am I still Vice President?” it says he asked on another occasion.

It also says that the commander-in-chief of the world's largest military could not remember “even within several years, when his son Beau died.”

Later that night, Biden hosted a press conference, during which he slammed the report’s description of his memory.

“I know what the hell I’m doing,” he angrily replied to a reporter who asked about his memory.

Earlier in the press conference, he expressed dismay that Hur would bring up his deceased son at all, and mentioned the bracelet Beau bought him, but then seemed to forget where his son got it.

“How in the hell dare he raise that?” The President asked rhetorically. “Let me tell you something. Some of you have commented – I wear, since the day he died, every single day, the rosary he got from our Lady of–” Biden said, cutting himself off suddenly. “Every Memorial Day, we hold a service remembering him.” Biden continued, not finishing his thought on where his son Beau got the keepsake.

Later in the press conference, while responding to a question about Israel, Biden seemed to mix up Mexico and Egypt, referring to “Sisi” as the President of Mexico and taking credit for Egyptian President Abdel Fattah El-Sisi’s decision to open the border to Palestine to allow aid to flow through.

The report’s release and the subsequent press conference came after Biden mixed up several world leaders in the past week, notably saying he discussed the January 6, 2021 riots with French Prime Minister Mitterrand, who died in 1996, while also describing him as “from Germany.”