Rumor Mill Strikes Again! Journos Claim Putin Makes Security Agent Carry His Poop on Foreign Trips

© Sputnik / Sergey Guneev / Go to the photo bankRussian President Vladimir Putin during a meeting with Turkmen President Serdar Berdimuhamedov in Moscow.
Russian President Vladimir Putin during a meeting with Turkmen President Serdar Berdimuhamedov in Moscow. - Sputnik International, 1920, 11.06.2022
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Even way before Russia's special military operation in Ukraine began, multiple rumors about Putin's health have persisted, some of which were so bizarre that they can only be classified as the most daring conspiracy theories. This time, it seems, a new contender for the most eccentric assertion has emerged.
Does the Pope s**t in the woods?
With the never-ending rumor mill churning away, it appears new claims are now suggesting that Russian President Vladimir Putin carries a suitcase full of his own feces and urine because he is afraid it would expose too much information about his health if it falls into the wrong hands.
The eyebrow-raising claims were published by French weekly Paris Match, which cited "indirect sources" in the Middle East.
Funny as it sounds, according to the publication, the Federal Protection Service (FSO) officer, which is responsible for the security of Russian officials, collected Putin's excrement in 2019 during a visit to Saudi Arabia. As the story goes, he was even reportedly filmed coming out of the bathroom holding a case - presumably filled with the precious presidential feces.
More to the story of the top-secret poop guarding, the same practice was allegedly done during Putin's visit to France in May 2017. In both occasions, an FSO agent was said to have placed the Russian president's excrement in pockets provided for this purpose, so as to leave no trace and bring everything back to the country in a special suitcase.
And surely, in the best tradition of scary KGB agents, the FSO must oversee that embassy staff who are aware of the operations maintain absolute confidentiality.
But the story does not end there, folks - not by a long shot. In an interview with Fox News, another expert on such intimate matters put in her five cents.
Enter Rebekah Koffler, president of Doctrine & Strategy Consulting and a former DIA intelligence officer, who told the network that "Putin fears the possibility of any information about his health getting into the hands of foreign intelligence services."
"He wants to project the image that he will be ruling Russia indefinitely in order to deter any chaos associated with a change of power," she went on to say.
Putin, according to Koffler, is likely afraid of the excrement being used as proof that has been suffering from some sort of health complication.
"While there is much speculation about Putin’s having a terminal illness, the intelligence about his health is inconclusive," Koffler said. "Short of a terminal illness, Putin will likely be Russia’s president at least through 2024 and possibly through 2036, given that his popularity has skyrocketed after the invasion of Ukraine."
Various speculations regarding Putin's health and practices - some of which have been voiced by Russian media - claim that the president frequently bathes in reindeer antlers and travels with his own medical staff. On occasion some have even alleged those close to Putin are forced to take tests several times a week, as well as undergo quarantine before meeting directly, so as not to infect him with COVID-19 and other diseases.
Russian President Vladimir Putin holds a video conference meeting with graduates of the Management Personnel Pool programme - Sputnik International, 1920, 06.11.2020
Here We Go Again: Parkinson's, Cancer & Other Bizarre Media Allegations About Putin's Health
However, numerous Russian and foreign officials, who met Putin in person, have refuted such claims. Just last week, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said the Russian president was feeling great and performing his public duties in full, advising those who advising doubters to watch Putin personally.
"You know, President Putin appears in public every day. You can see him on the screens, read his speeches, listen to his speeches," Lavrov said. "I don’t think sane people can discern any sort of symptom of disease in this man."
Several times this year, as more and more speculations grow - some of which have cited completely bizarre evidence - the Kremlin has been forced to dispute claims regarding Putin's deteriorating health. Dmitry Peskov, Putin's spokesperson, indicated in March that Putin's mental and physical health were both "normal."
Polls presently show that Putin maintains about 81% popularity rating in Russia.
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