1 August 2012, 18:14

Marriages collapse when people can’t control bad feelings

Marriages collapse when people can’t control bad feelings

Before saying let’s move in together and way before the wedding arrangements, don’t break out the champagne yet as marriage to the one may be a locked door with no key. Why do marriages sometimes simply not work?

There are happy devoted couples out there, but since 60 percent of those nuptials end in divorce between the ages of 20 and 25, as stated by the National Center for Health Statistics, it’s no wonder why more people may be hesitating after that four worded question gets blurted out.

Knowing someone is mister or misses right feels like pure magic. No magic would be complete without a secret formula to make it work though. “I actually found the source of human behavior, not a theory an actual source. Because I now know the source, I know how to be happy in any circumstance, so that’s what I’m teaching people,” said Larry Bilotta, relationship and marriage expert who created the site stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com. He goes on to say that how people treat their significant other is based on mere hardwiring which took place when they were a child.

Between the ages of one and ten, a child is programmed by their mother and father, on how they should behave. For instance, if a boy sees how his father treats the boy’s mother at an early age, then the boy will be hardwired to use the same automatic behavior and utilize it in the future as his own. The boy may slowly pick up the traits even though he may quickly say he’ll never become like his father.

Peculiar as it may seem, many people live together and are happily married, yet they lived in troubled households with parents who had given them an ugly taste of reality way too soon. Bilotta calls people who beat the odds buckers, people who do not listen to and thus reject the programming that had been instilled in them since childhood by their primary caretakers. Hard as it may be to become a bucker, it is possible, but takes a lot of self-discipline.

“Marriage requires the disciplining of transient emotions, and yes, that is work, but for every act of effort there are many more of surrender,” said Laura Wood, housewife and writer on her site thinkinghousewife.com. Nevertheless, marriage still wins over people’s hearts. Society wants people to marry. Three people get involved once each side says the illuminating phrase of I do, both partners and of course the state.

As stated on planocouseling.org’s website, married couples are happier than singletons, widowed fellows, and people who simply live together. Also, they have more successful careers, enjoy a higher amount of wealth, and have more sex and a heightened sexual relationship than their single buddies.

Marriage seems complex because it is. Getting hitched isn’t a bunch of red roses every day, it definitely takes work, which many times people would rather not do. Couples, who both bring in the bacon, spend about 12 minutes a day talking to one another as stated on wemaketime.com. Obviously, time is one of those factors which stress couples out the most. “You can predict a marriage collapsing,” added Bilotta who knows they collapse because people can’t control their bad feelings.

No matter what the chances are of staying together or slipping out the door may be, quite a number of people see marriage as a commitment to one another along with a tradition that has stood strong. Wood believes that marriage is an essential path to wisdom and virtue and these are the things most worth having in life. It starts from within and if an individual can’t be happy with who they are then no prince or princess charming will ever soothe their wounds.

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