US media personality and YouTube star Tana Mongeau has opened up about her relationship with Jake Paul and the things that hurt her most following their July wedding ceremony in Las Vegas, which later turned out to not be legally binding.
In a video titled “the truth about everything”, released shortly after Mongeau’s recent break from social media, the blogger revealed that she was left “broken” after finding out that her boyfriend-husband met with his ex-girlfriend Erika Costell just a month after their wedding.
“Finding out about the Erika s**t on Twitter like killed me, you know, because Jake and I had so many conversations where he like villainised her, and I spent so much time trying to be everything she wasn't”, the YouTuber said, while lying in her bed.
Back in August, Mongeau posted a sarcastic tweet following the publication of Paul and Costell’s photos together, sparking a severe reaction among her multimillion fan base, but the couple stayed together despite the backlash.
for the people who are confused : pic.twitter.com/zvH3MLoXu2— jocelyn (@ladyinette) August 19, 2019
Now the blogger has admitted that she regrets having adjusted her personality to meet Paul’s expectations in their relationship, despite several worrying signs, while acknowledging that this was quite destructive for her as a person.
“I've done so much pretending I don't care when I do. I did so much of being the 'cool girl' and ‘not caring’”, Mongeau said. “I think I just put so much of myself into Jake that I lost myself”.
The star YouTuber also said that while her July wedding had indeed started as a “joke” and was not legally binding, the couple’s relationship was real – although it took a severe het from the media backlash following their ceremony.
“What’s broken can’t unbreak”, Mongeau said during her confession.
“I felt like I was opening my phone every day to something that just broke me further”, she continued, while also admitting that Paul’s recent song about another one of his ex-girlfriends, Alissa Violet, and an old photo of them kissing posted on his Instagram put her in quite a difficult situation.
“It's very weird now with all this Alissa s**t because I spent so much time thinking he was so hurt by it”, Mongeau said, admitting that it was tough “waking up” to the photo being posted everywhere, similar to the “Erika thing”.
“To be fair, Jake did tell me he wrote this song, and that he was going to allude to being about Alissa, you know”, she noted, but said that she did not know that Paul would post the throwback pic on social media.
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Mongeau, who rose to international prominence with her “story time” YouTube videos several years ago and won Creator of the Year at the Streamy Awards ceremony this year, admitted that 2019 was a huge year for her career, but revealed she has never felt so “miserable” in her entire life.