04:56 GMT27 October 2020
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    During a speech at Stanford University on Wednesday evening, former Speaker of the House John Boehner asserted that Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz is “Lucifer in the flesh,” but members of the Satanic Temple adamantly disagree.

    Boehner did not hold back when asked about his opinion of Cruz, referring to him as a “son of a bitch.”

    “Lucifer in the flesh,” Boehner said. “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

    The comments did not only offend Cruz and his supporters. Members of the Satanic Temple declared that they do not want to be associated with a man that the internet suggests may be the Zodiac Killer.

    “Adherents of the Christian faith continue to bolster a false and simplistic narrative of defining what is good and evil. Without any analysis or introspection, they use labels such as ‘Lucifer’ to describe that which they do not like. This hypocritical and childish standard creates stagnation in personal thought and apologists for those in their own ranks who commit atrocities,” Satanic Temple member and criminal lawyer Stu de Haan told Sputnik News.

    “There is nothing Satanic about the ignorance and lack of critical thought shown by Ted Cruz. In fact, those traits have become a cornerstone for the faith-deranged, who continue to use their political offices as pulpits,” he stated.

    The Temple points out that Cruz’s lack of human decency disqualifies him from keeping company with true Satanists.

    “Boehner’s comment is illustrative of how well-past-time it is to adjust our mythologies to reflect our realities. Cruz’s failures of reason, compassion, decency, and humanity are products of his Christian pandering, if not an actual Christian faith. It grows tedious when pedophile priests and loathsome politicians are conveniently dismissed as Satanic, even as they spew biblical verse and prostrate themselves before the cross, recruiting the Christian faithful. Satanists will have nothing to do with any of them,” said spokesman for the church, Lucien Greaves, in a statement to the Friendly Atheist.

    Followers of the Satanic Temple are generally agnostic or atheist, and don’t believe Satan actually exists, using the concept of an anti-Christ symbolically. Members of the group are fierce proponents of freedom, “including the freedom to offend.”


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