23:01 GMT +323 September 2019
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    Comcast Strikes Again: Unaccountable Cable Monopoly Slurs Subscribers

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    Comcast, the cable provider that remains the bane of all subscribers’ existence, has given customers yet another reason to roll their eyes, fresh on the heels of “Asshole Brown.”

    Last week, it came to light that some anonymous worker slaving away in the depths of the corporate headache that is the Comcast Corporation, changed an innocent customer’s name on his cable bill. Instead of referring to this individual as Ricardo Brown, as his birth certificate, friends, and family all know him, Comcast referred to him as Asshole Brown.

    The company was embarrassed, or at least pretended to be. They offered the Brown family two years of free cable to make amends. But deep down, Comcast knows it’s too big fail. After what we can only imagine was a corporate executive gigglefest of snickering, smoking cigars, and watching Scrooge McDuck cartoons over a cable connection that actually works, the company changed another of its customer’s names.

    Super Bitch. Super Bitch Bauer.

    The bill addressed to Ms. Bauer.
    WGN News 9
    The bill addressed to Ms. Bauer.

    The 63-year-old woman from Illinois, whose real name is Mary told her local WGN news station that she had called the company a few times about poor cable reception, but that she was always polite and – given Comcast’s reputation, commendably – patient.

    “I said, wait, I need to get my glasses on because I don’t believe what I’m seeing,” Bauer told CNNMoney. “And there it was: Super Bitch Bauer. So I’ve had it with Comcast.”

    When she first went to local news with her account, the story was quietly swept under the rug because the station was owned by – as you can probably guess – Comcast.

    Asshole and Super Bitch aren’t the only victims of Comcast’s labelling abuse. Others have come forward with similar complaints. A woman told travel website BoardingArea that the company had billed her as “Whore Julia Swano.” Another woman said she had been relabeled as “Dummy.”

    “Comcast is just the most disingenuous company on the entire planet,” Bauer said. “I’ve been totally frustrated with them for a very long time.”

    The company says it is still investigating both the Asshole and Super Bitch incidents.

    The Good news: if Comcast continues on this trend of giving free cable to customers its insulted, then pretty soon we’re all going to have free cable. The bad news: that cable will be provided by Comcast.

    Super Bitch, Asshole Brown, Comcast, NBC
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