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    Justin Berry, right, listens New york Times journalist Kurt Eichenwald testify before the House Energy and Commerce Conmittee regarding sexual exploitation of children over the Internet in Washington Tuesday, April 4, 2006.

    Kurt Eichenwald Caught Browsing Anime Porn Site, Then Caught Lying About It

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    Kurt Eichenwald has been called many things. Journalist. Author. Investigator. Vocal critic of President Trump, the alt-right, and Russia. Now, he has earned a new label: closeted anime porn enthusiast.

    It all started on Tuesday night, when the Vanity Fair and Newsweek contributor was negatively name-dropped by his nemesis, Fox News host Tucker Carlson. On Wednesday, Eichenwald replied with a series of negative tweets: "Apparently, @TuckerCarlson brought me up on his show last night. I wouldnt know. Like most ppl now, I dont watch it."

    Eichenwald then posted a flyer that he claimed to have been mailed, featuring a Jewish caricature laughing sinisterly as the world literally burns, with the caption "DANGER: EVIL JEWS IN CHARGE".

    "Since being on your show," he tweeted to Carlson, "I get things like this a lot, most always from ppl mentioning u. Ur the Julius Streicher of Fox." (Streicher was the publisher of the vehemently anti-semitic newspaper Der Sturmer, which was popular in Nazi Germany. At the postwar Nuremberg trials, Streicher was convicted of being an accessory to the mass extermination of Jews during the Holocaust and was sentenced to death.)

    Carlson didn't reply to being compared to a Nazi. But more importantly, Eichenwald's browser was clearly visible in the tweet. His tabs included Twitter, an anti-Carlson article published on Salon, and… "B-chiku", a 212-page work of anime porn (or "hentai").

    People began to mock what was quickly dubbed "hentaigate," kink-shaming poor Mr. Eichenwald for his enjoyment of anime girls getting railed. Perhaps the story would have petered out after that… until Eichenwald made the questionable decision to publicly defend himself.

    That's right. Kurt Eichenwald, one of the US' more prominent left-wing journalists, decided to discuss his porn habits on Twitter instead of discussing the news. It's a slow news day, in his defense. The only thing going on is former FBI Director James Comey's explosive Senate testimony, heavily covered by virtually every outlet. Oh, and the United Kingdom's general election, but that hardly counts as news.

    In case he deletes the tweets, Eichenwald claims that he and his adult sons wanted to prove to his wife that tentacle porn exists. However, B-chiku isn't tentacle porn. Tags include "facesitting," "impregnation," "MILF," "teacher," and "saliva," but no tentacles. 

    But don't worry, Kurt has an explanation! He "couldn't find any" tentacle porn, so he ended up in a decade-old hentai that has absolutely nothing to do with that particular kink. Seems plausible? 

    For purely research purposes, crack Sputnik investigators Googled "tentacle porn." The first and third link to come up are the tentacle porn tags on the Pornhub and XVideos sites, comprising thousands and thousands of videos. The second link is the Wikipedia article for "tentacle erotica." The fifth link is the Urbandictionary entry for the same.

    The fourth link is Kurt Eichenwald's Twitter.

    It isn't Sputnik's policy to kink-shame, but some have argued that Eichenwald brings it upon himself.  He frequently tells people who argue with him on Twitter to go "watch their cartoons." This was apparently an accusation of immaturity, but recent events have reframed it.

    ​This isn't the first time Eichenwald and pornography have meshed poorly. In 2005, he published an article in the New York Times about a child pornography ring he claimed to have accidentally discovered on a Google search. (Sound familiar?) Instead of alerting the police, Eichenwald contacted the website and offered them thousands of dollars to allegedly better expose the ring. 

    This was a major breach of journalistic etiquette, not to mention that he literally funded child pornography. When pressed, Eichenwald admitted that he had made a mistake, but claimed to have forgotten that he even made the payments due to memory loss brought on by his epilepsy.

    At least this time, all he did was make a fool of himself in public, rather than outright disgracing the profession.

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    Tags:
    octopus, squid, tentacles, lies, porn, hentai, anime, Twitter, James Comey, Tucker Carlson, Kurt Eichenwald
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