18:31 GMT13 June 2021
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    My gripping expose tells you all you need to know [about NATO fake news]... Or just to make up!

    A charming little puff piece by the official UK state media has recently come out.

    This is what obscure NATO spokesperson Oana Lungescu says about what the BBC are calling “sharply opinionated blogs.” Presumably this includes my own.

    "If you look at the byline of people who write commentaries for Sputnik or RT, a lot of them are extremely obscure individuals connected to the far right or the far left, or so-called specialists or experts who nobody's heard of.”

    So, I thought I’d give you all a little bit of a taster on who I really am.

    I am the product of a profound metaphysical experience that occurred somewhere between the steppes of Genghis Khan’s Mongolia and the dusty ziggurats of Ancient Babylon.

    My ancient noble bloodline contains many extremely obscure individuals connected to the far right or the far left such as Adolf Hitler, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, Nikolai Bukharin, Enver Hoxha, David Bowie, Freddy Mercury and Wurzel Gummidge.

    At the age of ten, I was baptized in Hitler’s bunker, by a renegade extremely obscure individual connected to the Russian Czar known as Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin.

    Soon after, I started school at a Madrassah run by an extremely obscure individual connected to the far right known as the King of Saudi Arabia.

    I did not need to go to university, as I am, of course, a so-called specialist or expert who nobody's heard of.

    I formed the Icelandic Heterosexual Illuminati and Meta-Neoliberal Union of Hebdophiliac Buddhismophobic Hate Criminals in 2012, in order to steadfastly oppose the impending threat of the Mayan Apocalypse. Fortunately, the dark arts of the Serbian Pansexual Jihadist Union of Stay at Home Anarcho-Otherkin Union Thugs did not prevail on this occasion.

    My sharply opinionated manifestos brought about the fall of Saddam Hussein, the end of the Mubarak’s Presidency…

    And better still, I managed to stop Lord Voldemort from hacking X Factor!

    There are so many more things that can be said about me and my fellow Sputs-Under-The-Bed. Still, perhaps we’d better leave it here now.

    After all, we wouldn’t want to be guilty of fake news now, would we?

    Nah! I think I’ll leave that to the educated idiots who think Saddam had WMDs, Moderate choppers deserve Western support in their attempts to overthrow the ‘Assad Regime,’ and the governments of ‘our’ enemies (!) are populated by ‘alternative documentary’ cartoon characters like Fu Manchu, Jafar, and the Anna Amasova.

    There’s a lot of talk nowadays about alternative facts.

    Personally, I think some of those who hypocritically moralize about such would be better to interrogate their own ‘alternative reality.’

    Because I don’t think that’s any less of a pressing problem right now.

    A lot of the journalists in the pro-establishment faction of the media (albeit by no means all!) think that they are living in a James Bond movie.

    Actually, they are more like grubby, hay-hopping medieval clerics who think they are doing something edgy and daring and awe-inspiringly heroic; speaking truth to power against dirty rabble-rousing serfs and peasants, or maybe even risking their neck with the odd silken-trousered princeling or two.

    But Disney’s Aladdin, classic espionage movies and ‘Yellow Peril’ literature are not serious journalistic sources, for anyone who wants to conduct any remotely serious portrayal of what is actually going on in ‘bad countries.’ Fantasy is fun, but when the suppurating fantasies of over-fertile imaginations start seeping and bleeding into brute reality, then that’s when everyone has a problem.

    By the way, one last thing. Quite a number of the ‘alternative facts’ I told about my life history above were entirely fictional.

    However, if you think that it is stupid to believe all of those tall tales I have just blarneyed up, but that paying uncritical attention to the CIA (perpetrators of the Nazi-like MK Ultra Project), or ‘anonymous sources’ from the Washington Post, then you might want to consider whether you and your comrades are part of the problem.

    As I said in another article of mine:

    Post truth is as post truth does!

    Alternative facts were perfectly fine for some years or decades, if not longer.

    Or at the very worst, they were human errors: the proverbial Blairite ‘honest mistakes’ of those whose ‘good intentions,’ needless to say, are utterly unimpeachable in all cases. There has never been the slightest hint of neglect or of any failure of due diligence; let alone (far less so!) conscious and deliberate complicity with evil agendas, ideologies or institutions.

    And now, all of a sudden, ‘alternative facts’ are bad.

    Well, I have news for you.

    Alternative facts were always bad.

    And if you think misleading public discourse is wicked and destructive when it comes from Pyongyang or Tehran or Rangoon, and not when it comes from a ‘good country’ or any one of the myriad ‘civilized media outlets’ of ‘the great and the good…’

    Then there is absolutely nothing whatsoever to separate you from the most hidebound, embittered, bigoted, rigidly inflexible and hate-ridden Salafi shill or Korean Tankie.

    Think on.

    The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Sputnik.


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