14:28 GMT28 February 2021
Listen Live
    Get short URL

    After forcing through the election of a historically unpopular candidate, Democrats call for unity behind the voices of Hollywood’s top acts and pop culture’s most acclaimed vocalists.

    According to a CNN poll last month, only 29% percent of registered voters said they would be “excited” if Hillary Clinton won the presidency in keeping with what we know about the candidate who has been plagued not only by growing questions on ethics and trustworthiness, but also a much discussed "enthusiasm gap." Fortunately, while the country is not quite “Ready for Hillary” with more respondents saying that they would be embarrassed if she were elected than proud, her consultants had a plan.

    ​That’s right! If your candidate is the most unpopular kid in the class – or ever — just simply surround her with all of the cool kids from Academy Award winning actors and actresses, Grammy nominated vocalists, and even a hall of fame basketball player – who just happens to also be Muslim for a fitting attack against Trump.

    ​On Monday, the crowd at her own convention responded with boos almost any time her name was mentioned, holding on instead to an undying affinity for this character "Bernie" who recent emails show the election was rigged against by an unholy alliance between the Hillary campaign and DNC officials.

    ​One night later the Democrats rolled out Emmy nominated actress Elizabeth Banks from the hit comedy series Modern Family to mock Donald Trump’s initial appearance at the Republican National Convention with Queen playing in the background amid a bright shining psychedelic light.  

    ​That didn’t really seem to do the trick so how about we introduce her behind 15-time Grammy Award winner Alicia Keys, perhaps America’s best living songstress with a silky and soulful voice that makes Hillary’s inevitable retreat on her opposition to TPP and loving touch to criminal justice reform – notably referring to black men as "super predators" – seem almost like a message of love. 

    ​If that didn’t get the folks at home riled up then why don’t we just throw the 19-time Oscar nominated actress Meryl Streep to do a bizarre high-pitched yell reminiscent of Chewbacca mixed with a little bit of James Brown to make sure the crowd knows that this is something that they really should be excited about – even if they really aren’t.  

    ​And then, wrapped in all of that the warmongering, nefarious ‘charitable’ foundation that fleeced millions from dying Haitian refugees, the WikiLeaks scandal and even that pesky private email server to avoid complying with federal Freedom of Information Act laws didn’t seem so bad as she shattered through the screen – I mean the glass ceiling – with the hopes of a country falling in bits and pieces off a big video screen straight out of a children’s nightmare after watching 1984. 

    ​There was, however, just one little thing that was missing from the perfectly choreographed coup of the people’s free will on behalf of the country’s oligarchs and Wall Street overlords – one that that really would have set it apart as a truly historical election.

    But, I guess we can’t have everything. Hope you enjoyed the show!

    The views and opinions expressed in the article do not necessarily reflect those of Sputnik.


    DNC Disaster, German Terror Spree, Nepali Government Collapse
    The Arc of the DNC is Long, but Bends Toward Neoliberalism
    Flag Burning Riles Crowds Outside DNC as Party Tensions Simmer
    FBI Applies Double Standards to Clinton, DNC Email Probes
    Biden, Trump, Hillary, Bernie, Obama, DNC, Republicans, White House, Democrats, RNC, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, US, Washington
    Community standardsDiscussion