Here's what's really unknowable, in the "you-cannot-un-know-this" sense: the fact that despite all the hair-raising, mind-boggling levels of depravity these so-called suspects were subjected to, not one person is going to have to stand before judge and jury for force feeding another human being hummus through their rectum.
Prison, Anyone? No? Alright Then!
Not one person is going to prison. No, wait, that's wrong. The people who were water boarded are going to prison! Yes, that makes sense. All the gibberish they were sprouting after days of sleep deprivation was almost definitely probably suspect. And quite possibly very anti-American. Maybe. Yeah. Awesome.
'Awesome'
That is actually the exact word one Fox News anchor chose. Well, more like the only word. Because in the space of about 35 seconds, Andrea Tantaros tells us that America is Awesome! You are awesome! And the Obama administration wants you to think you're not awesome! Torture is awesome! Fist pump! Yes!
If you haven't yet pictured cheerleading spooks at Langley doing high kicks with buckets for pom-poms, you're just not awesome enough.
You Are Not Alone
But that's just one news anchor, right? People can get carried away…it's not like loads of people agreed with her…
Oh wait. Loads of people agreed with her. And went on to justify their points of view with the most asinine arguments ever. Take one Eric Bolling of Fox News, for instance. He says "the CIA came forward, and they aggressively interrogated — legally — aggressively interrogated some bad guys."
Newsflash: torture? Not so legal! In fact, chaining a guy to the floor and leaving him there to die of hypothermia is probably as far from legal as you can get.
But at least he got the aggressive part right.
Still not one person responsible going to prison, by the way.
And The Peace Prize Goes To…
These "aggressive legal interrogations" took place between 2002 and 2009. So we can at least say the CURRENT US president wasn't in on the torture program. Right? He got the Nobel Peace Prize, for crying out loud! Because unlike his predecessor, who favored black sites all over the world, Barack Obama has just the one island resort detention center where nothing illegal ever takes place.
Well, except for the fact he promised his country and people to shut Guantanamo down. And the fact that detainees were kept there for years as ‘ghosts’.
But hey, at least they weren't being tortured there. They weren't strapped down and force fed…
“Abuse at Guantánamo is still happening on Obama’s watch. I’ve seen the force-feeding footage to prove it.” — Cori Crider, Reprieve human rights group
Oh.
'Full Of Crap'
According to Dick Cheney, however, the report is ‘full of crap’.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks that is the worse choice of words possible to describe years’ worth of something called ‘rectal feeding’.
Pole Position
And finally, some good news! There might just be one guy actually going to prison!
There's a teensy catch though. The only man who COULD have maybe potentially faced charges in all of this…wasn't even American. Former head of Polish intelligence Zbignew Siematkiowski was reportedly going to be charged. There were years of investigating and fact-finding. But then the democratic government of The United States of Poland decided it'd be much more ethical to give him a cushy European Parliament job and pretend none of the black sites ever existed and no one was ever tortured in them.
Poland, by the way, after trying and failing miserably to deny the existence of CIA black sites on its soil, settled for the age-old favorite of ‘well, we knew about the sites, but they never told us they tortured anyone in them!’
The CIA chief, meanwhile, has refused to rule out future use of torture in “intelligence” gathering.
Awesome.
